My husband and I married 3 years after merging our lives. With 5 children between us, we built a strong foundation for us all. We have enjoyed a beautiful journey. We have had to face tough times though. Our oldest daughter was plagued with AML (an aggressive type of leukemia) her freshman year of high school and our younger daughter fell ill with Ecoli. Both of our ex’s passed away leaving us with grieving children. Yet somehow our family unit just continued to grow stronger.
But somehow, for some reason, my mind and body got together, and decided that I needed to know what generalized anxiety disorder felt like. And guess what, all of my stored trauma decided to join in leaving me to deal with anxiety-induced panic. For 5 years I was prescribed Xanax even though I was an open daily drinker. This didn’t work out so well for me. It caused an addiction I didn’t know how to handle. It was physiological.
Well, I’ve already made it quite apparent that I have control issues. And perfectionism is a tough one to let go of. So naturally, I wasn’t ok with being in the passenger seat with chemical addiction and anxiety doing the driving. I had overcome my need for external approval. I had overcome my disordered eating (although this one comes with the need for lifelong maintenance). I had overcome my need for some possession to bring me comfort. I had overcome the traumatic events I graciously survived. I had learned to grieve. I had my people-pleasing codependency in a state of effectiveness. I had learned to love and be loved. I just didn’t know it yet! It all came clear with this last obstacle. And once the alcohol and prescription were gone the intuition, focus, peace, and clarity arrived. I had to learn all I could about how I experienced my environment and how I saw myself in it.
So, while the obvious addiction in my story is clearly alcohol. Alcohol was not the only addiction. Nor was it always the derailing factor. And when it was, it was driven by something else, fear-trauma response or any other factor I didn’t realize I had carried around with me from old seasons. No, for me these were all addictions, habits, negative attachments that subconsciously and consciously served some purpose or another with the same result. I had conditioned them all to be coping mechanisms. And they all were just false hope.
I discovered the Locus of Control Theory while I was obtaining my BS in Psychology where my studies were focused on process, behavioral, and chemical addiction. During this 5 1/2-year psychological journey I submerged myself into the clinical side of every level of addiction treatment/care that was made available. What I discovered about myself and every client that I had the pleasure to work with was that we all had that voice inside that said “bad things always happen to me, the world is scary, people are cruel, you can do better, you can be better, they don't like me, they think I'm stupid, they are out to get me, everyone leaves me” (this list could literally go on for hours) and this was the external locus of control.
In a nutshell, people struggling with addiction (process, behavioral, or chemical) or who are being held hostage by their habits and negative attachments need to understand that they get to choose how they experience their environment. They get to choose how they respond to the situations as they unfold. And they get to choose how they see themselves functioning in their life.
It's time to leave the external and get internally minded! Stop giving your power, your peace, your mindset, your clarity away to something outside of you! THIS IS YOUR LIFE TOO, IT CAN LOOK, FEEL, AND BE HOWEVER YOU WANT IT TO!
Please, don't get me wrong! Taking control of my thoughts, feelings, emotions, opinions, and beliefs did not come simply because I learned this particular theory! It was absolutely one of the most significant lessons I have learned in life. But I had to dig in and compile a gamete of skillsets and tactics that would generate the strength and capability necessary to make living through my internal drive a lifelong manageable and maintainable attainment!
You can dig in too! My story and my journey are not just for me, but it’s for you too! I have skills, tools, and more resources I want to share with you.
So, don’t go on this journey alone, you are worthy to have support. Let me be a part of that for you. We can chat now, and you can make an appointment with me so we can make take the next steps on your journey!
Until Next Time!
Your Recovery Lifestyle Coach