"Your life does not get better by chance - It gets better by change!"
In life, we always have things happen to us, but what makes life worth living are the decisions that we choose to make.
We really live life by our choices, not just by what we allow to happen to us. Taking control of your life means making choices. Those choices will either keep us in the same cycle we have always been subject to or our choices will break us out.
So, let’s talk about this! I know that so many of us are stuck in that space where we only focus on what is NOT right in our lives, in our environments, with our own minds. What follows is a negative demeanor, anxiousness, feeling stuck, wallowing in the past, ruminating, and living in an externally driven locus of control.
How do I know? Because I spent many years trapped in this same cycle. My story, my journey didn’t just start 8 years ago. It started with my earliest memories at age 4. My internal mindset and internal dialogue way back then already had the feelings of a lack of self-worth. I never felt like I really “fit” anywhere, I was very uncomfortable expressing myself, and I seemingly was born with the trait of stuffing my emotions, hiding my mistakes, covering up others' wrongdoings (to me), and fearing judgment or ridicule. I won’t even go into early adolescence or young adulthood; we’d be here all week. What I really wanted you to get from this is that I understand the struggles when life doesn’t play out like a Lifetime movie.
Back to the conversation at hand, I want us to realistically and resiliently moving from 2020 into 2021 with a focus on effective anticipation and the aspiration to attain our life improvement needs in a life long manageable and maintainable fashion!
Where to begin?
Well, first my favorite thing to do is look at absolutely everything I do have and focus on what IS going right. This puts everything into perspective for me (because I have worked hard for years to make sure it does). Then I take the time to sit with those bothersome things and systematically break them down into categories or groups that I can deal with, or restructure if you will. The process looks something like this:
· What can I put in the (metaphoric) trash?
· What can I purposefully shelf for future reference?
· How can I see, hear, or experience this differently/effectively?
· Where do I need help?
· Where will the solution get my best focus?
Suddenly, I do not have one thing that is NOT right in my life, I have a persistent drive purposefully focused on what I am improving in my life, and for the long haul!
It’s ok to have things that “need” work. The pivoting point is seeing that need as a preference to see my world in the most positive light possible in the space that I am in.
We can be a new, improved version of ourselves every day. If you think about it, without today’s experiences, we would know what we know tomorrow.
So, don’t be afraid of facing those things you need to face, because, in the end, it will always be the better choice!